Saturday, May 30, 2009

On Being a "Good" Mom

I have always considered myself to be a pretty good mom.  I am laid back but have high expectations of how my 4 children should behave.  We are currently THE house.  The one that the teenage boys flock to after school to play the sport of the day.  Usually there are at least 2 extras around for dinner and it makes me smile when they call me mom (even though I can't claim them on my tax returns).  

A few weeks ago, my son told us that in health class they learned how to properly put on a condom.  I wasn't sure how to react so I replied with the token, "really? hmmm."  He proceeded to explain how they did it and said that anyone can buy a condom no matter how old they are.  My son is 14 and in 8th grade.  My husband (who is usually a little too lenient for my taste) felt that it was too soon to be teaching this to our firstborn who up until last summer thought that it was against the law to have sex until you turned 21.  My opinion tends to allow for information with conversation.  It is fine to learn about condoms, as long as I can be an involved parent.

I was just chatting with a co-worker about high school looming in the distance. She said that her spouse was emptying the garbage in their son's room and found a condom.   Really this didn't surprise me.  I am not naive and I realize that the majority of high school students are sexually active.  Again, my thought is to give them the necessary information to make responsible choices.  

Then last night I was completely caught off guard.  I had dinner with a friend and her son who is a high school senior.  This young man is a popular, varsity baseball player.  We talked about a variety of subjects including the obvious- girls.  He said that he didn't want to get serious with a girl at this time in his life and that he is waiting to have sex.  Wow.  Wasn't ready for that.  

My desire to be a "good" mom, one that is easy to talk to, a mom that can get along with all of my son's friends led me to forget what it means to be a mom.  It concerns me that I may be inadvertently supporting pre-marital sex by encouraging this openness with my son.  My generation needs to remember that although we are different than our parents, and that we must remain abreast of the times,  we must still give our children the guidance they need to make good choices. Their choices.  Not only do our children need to know how to put on a condom, but they also must know about abstinence.  They must realize that it is okay and even admirable to wait for this significant milestone.  And WE need to remember that being a parent is so much more important than being a friend.    


  1. Ihave to agre with you. Let them know that these are the choices you have to make, These are the consequences, This is what I would like to see happen, and you make the choices.

    Seems to have worked so far for mine. Two beautiful daughters, and no grandchildren yet!

  2. I would just show them a picture of Michael Jackson and tell them this is what happens when you have sex before age 30. Perhaps include the headline "Sex - It's No Thriller"

  3. Trust me, they angst through this one. You can really tell when "it" looms in the distance.

    I tend not to think abstinece is admirable or that sexuality is proper, honestly, I am pretty nuetral. We have explained all of that to a sixth grader, mostly to stop possible desease.

    I don't think you really have to worry.